Funny Pagal Girl Jokes - Best Hindi Chutkule Collection | short jokes

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A woman finds Aladdin's magic lamp. She starts rubbing it and a Genie comes out as usual. The woman looks at the Genie and asks him to grant her wishes

- I want my husband to have eyes only for me

- I want to be the only one in his life

- I want him to sleep always by my side

- I want that when he gets up in the morning I'm the first thing he grabs and takes me everywhere he goes.

The Genie turned her into a Smart Phone....!!

Wife : Jaanu batao tum mujh se kitna pyar karte ho?

Husband : Bahut zyaada.

Wife : Phir bhi kitna

Husband : Itna ki dil kar raha hai ki tumhari jesi ek aur le aaoon.

Wife saw board outside a shop

Monsoon Offer Only for today :

Banarsi saree 10/-

Nylon 8/-

Cotton 5/-

Excited Wife to Husband: Give me Rs. 500, I'll buy 50 sarees

Husband:

.

.

.

.

.

.

Birbal ki maa, istri ki dukan hai woh.

Wife is busy packing her clothes.

Man: And where are u going?

Wife: I'm moving to my mother.

Husband also starts packing.

Wife: And where do u think your going?

Husband: I'm also moving to my mother.

Wife: And what about the kids?

Husband: Well if u moving to ur mother and I'm moving to my mother then I guess they must also move to their mother....

There was a group of women gathered at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with your husband.

The women were asked, 'How many of you love your husbands?'

All the women raised their hands.

Then they were asked, 'When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?'

Some women answered today, some yesterday, some didn't remember..

The women were then told to take their cell phones and send the following text to their respective husband: I love you, sweetheart.

Then the women were told to exchange phones and read the responding text messages.

Here are some of the replies:

1. Eh, mother of my children, are you sick?

2. What now? Did you crash the car again?

3. I don't understand what you mean?

4. What did you do now? I won't forgive you this time!!!

5. ?!?

6. Don't beat about the bush, just tell me how much you need?

7. Am I dreaming? ????

8. If you don't tell me who this message is actually for, you will die today...!!!

9. I asked you not to drink anymore!!

and the best one

10. Who is this?

Marzi ki zindagi ke 7 steps...

1) Studies

2) Entertainment

3) Good Job

4) Shaadi

5)....

6)....

7)....

Shaadi ho gai na?

Marzi ki zindgi khtam...

Doctor. Aap ke husband ko mukamal sukun ki zarurat hai ye lo neend ki golian.

Biwi. Yeh main inhein kis waqt du.

Doctor. Yeh aapne khani hain.

Boy whispers to his mom during a wedding

Boy: "Mommy?"

Mom: "What?"

Boy: "Why is the girl dressed in white?"

Mom: "Because this is the happiest day of her life."

Boy: "That's why is the boy dressed in black".

Nurse to patient with bleeding head: Your Name?

Patient: Banta

Nurse: Age?

Patient: 28 years

Nurse: Married?

Patient: No, Car Accident.

Swarg ke baahar ka seen:

1st Aadmi : Bhagwan main doctor hoon aur maine logo ki bahot sewa ki hai mujhe swarg mein aane do.

God : Nahi tum andar nahi aa sakte.

2nd Aadmi : Bhagwan main pandit hoon aur maine sari zindagi aapki pooja ki hai mujhe swarg mein aane do.

God : Nahi tum bhi andar nahi aa sakte.

3rd Aadmi : Bhagwan main shaadi shuda hoon.

God : Bas kar pagle rulayega kya, chal andar swarg mein aaja.

Men and women on earth die and go to heaven.

God comes and says: -

"I want the men to form two queues, one line for the men who had control over their women, and the other one for the men who were controlled by their women. Also, I want all the women to go away so that no man and woman can talk."

Next time God comes back, the women are gone, and there are two lines. The line for the men who were controlled by their women is 100 miles long, and in the line of men who had control over their women there is only one man.

God gets mad and says, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you in my image, and you were all controlled by your mates. Look at the only one of my sons who stood up and made me proud. Learn from him!"

"Tell them, my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?"

The man replies, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here."

Man to hotel manager: Jaldi chalo, meri wife khidki se kood kar jaan dena ja rahi hai.

Manager: So... Sir what can I do?

Main: Abbe khidki nahi khul rahi.

Wife: If I dismiss the cook and make the food myself for a month, what will you pay me?

Husband: I won't have to pay you, you'll get my entire insurance amount.

Have u heard about the man who threw his wife into a pond of crocodiles?

He's now being harassed by the animal rights for being cruel to the crocodiles.

So many options: Poison, sleeping pills, hanging, jumping from a building, lying on train tracks but we chose Marriage, slow and sure!

Q: Why do women live longer than men?

A: Shopping never causes heart attacks, but paying the bill does!

It is difficult to understand GOD. He makes such beautiful things as women and then he turns them into Wives.

Newly married husband saved wife's number on mobile as

"My life"

After 1yr: "My wife"

5 years: "Home"

10 years: "Hitler"

15 years: "Wrong number"

Santa aur uski wife Preeto mein jhagda hua to Preeto ne apni maa ko phone kiya,

"Maa mera un se jhagda ho gaya hai ..

Main 1 Month k liye app k ghar aa rahi hun."

Maa boli-Jhagda kis ne start kiya??????

Wife-Unho ne.

Maa-"Jhagda us kambakhat ne kiya hai saza bhi ushe hi milni chahiye.

Tum wahi thehro main aa rahi hun 3 Month k liye".

Girl: If we got married, stop smoking.

Boy: Ok!

Girl: Drinking too.

Boy: Ok!

Girl: N going to the night club too.

Boy:- Yes..

Girl:- What else can u leave??

Boy:- The idea of marrying You.

How to Create d Biggest Doubt in ur Wife's Mind 4 u?

?

?

?

?

?

Just Suddenly send her SMS Saying..

"I Luv u too"

.

.

GAME OVER.!

A ques asked in a talent test:

If you are married to 1 of the twin sisters, how wud you recognize your wife?

The best answer

- Why d hell should I recognise?

Difference between Friend & Wife

U can tell ur friend "U r my Best Friend"

But do u have courage tell to ur Wife

"U r my Best Wife?"

If wife wants 2 get husband's attention just look sad & uncomfortable.

If husband wants 2 get wife's attention jst look comfortable & happy.

A person went to his neighbour,

Where an old couple lived.

He went inside where he found that the old man still called her wife with cute names like sweety, honey, jasmine etc.

Man to the old man: It's sweet... After 70 years you still call your wife with such cute names.

The old man replied (whispering): Her name had slipped off my mind 10 years ago & I am very scared to ask what it is..!!

Patni apne sharabi pati ko darane ke liye kaale kapre pehan kar ghar ke bahar khari ho gai.

Pati: Tum kaun?

Patni: uhuhuhahaha chudel.

Pati: Haath mila main teri behan ka pati.

Husband (romanticaly): Baby wanna say u something.

Wife: It's not good to talk while eating.

(After eating)

Wife: Now tell.

Husband: Baby there was a cockroach in your food.

Ek aurat coma me chali gayi

Shohar murda samajh kar dafnane chala.

Raaste mein janaza khambhe se takrane se aurat ko hosh aa gaya.

1 saal baad aurat sach mein chal basi.

Sab log kalma padhte hue ja rahe the, lekin shohar ki zuban pe ek hi baat thi...

"Khambha bacha ke"

"Khambha bacha ke"

"Khambha bacha ke"

"Khambha bacha ke"

Lazy wife : 1 glass pani de do.

Husband : Khud uth ke le lo.

Wife : Please de do na.

Husband : Ab manga to thapad maar dunga.

Wife: Thapad marne aaoge to pani lete aana.

Ladki: Meri mummi ko tum bahut pasand aaye ho.

Ladka (Sharmaty huye): Leken shadi main tumse hi karunga, mummy ko bolo mujhe bhool jayein.

Ek car ki neelami ho rhi thi..

20 Laakh,

30 Laakh,

35 Laakh..

..

..

Santa ne dekha car to yeh wali 15 lakh ki nayi aa jati hai, fir iski itni keemat kyon..??

..

Usne paas khade aadmi se poochha- "Kyon bhai, is car me aisa kya hai, jo ise itni keemat mil rahi hai?"

..

AADMI BOLA- "Bhaisaab, is car ki khoobi ye hai, ke iska abhi tak 7 baar accident ho chuka hai. Car ko to kuchh nahi hua, par har baar usme beithi SIRF PATNI KI HI maut hui hai.."

..

..

SANTA- "Achha? Te fir mere 50 Laakh..!!"

Customer: I need poison.

Chemist: I can't sell until u hav prescription.

Customer showed his Wedding card

Chemist: Bus kar bhai rulayega kya........ badi bottle du ya choti.

Wife - Shaadi ki raat aap ne jab mera ghunghat uthaya to kaisa laga?

Husband - Main to mar hi jaata agar mujhe hanumaan chalisa yaad na hoti!!

There was once a wife so jealous that when her husband came home one night and she couldn't find hairs on his jackets. she yelled at him, "Great, so now you're cheating on me with a bald woman!"

The next night, when she didn't smell any perfume, she yelled again by saying, "She's not only bald, but she's too cheap to buy any perfume!"

Wife: yesterday-night I saw a dream, that u were sending me Jewelry and clothes!

Husband: Yeah, I also saw your was dad paying the bill !!!

Nobody teaches

Volcanoes to erupt,

Tsunamis to devastate,

Hurricanes to sway around

&

How to choose a Wife,

NATURAL DISASTERS JUST HAPPENS.

TEACHER

Us ne khudkushi kar li.

Usay khudkushi karni padi.

Dono me fark batao?

Student.

Pahle wale ki love marriage thi aur dusre ki arrange marriage.

Husband: Today is Sunday & I have to enjoy it.

So I bought 3 movie tickets.

Wife: Why three?

Husband: 1 For U and 2 for ur parents.

4 Most Un-defined things of girls-

1) "Tum na bahut wo ho"

(now who the Hell is 'WO'?)

2) "Mujhe tumse ye umeed nahi thi".

(no one will never know what was their 'UMEED')

3) "Tum pehle jaise nahi rahe"

(Khud tok-tok ke badalti hain, then say "THIS")

4) "Sach batana main kaisi lag rahi hoon"

(with no other option left, boys have to say "Beautiful")

:-)

Biwi par essay...

Biwi ek paltu prani hai, ye ghar ki rasoi mein payi jati hai. Iska priye ahaar pati ka bheja hota hai. Karva chouth wale din ye badi matra mein dhong karti dikhai deti hai. Shuruwat mein ye prani bada achcha lagta hai baad mein ye jungli saand ki tarah ho jati hai. Inke maa baap ki galti inke pati ko bhugatni padti hai. Hamein sab patiyon se humdardi hai. Ummid hai aap bhi dusron se hamdardi jatayenge.

Dhanyawad.

There was this teacher who was teaching young kids the different types of animals, she showed them the picture of a giraffe, and asked them what it was. Nobody answered..so she gave them a clue, 'It has a long neck.' One kid answered, "Giraffe!" Pleased, the teacher showed a picture of a zebra.�Nobody answered it again, so she gave them a clue. 'This animal has stripes.' "Zebra!" one kid answered. So she put up another one, that of a deer.The teacher could not think of a clue..but suddenly she came up with one!..she asked them 'what does your mother call your father?'Suddenly one child got up and answered 'DOG!'

Mary Clancy goes up to Father O' Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears.

He says, " So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?"

She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news . My husband passed away last night."

The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?"

She says, "That he did, Father."

The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary? "

She says, He said, 'Please Mary, put down that damn gun...'

Newly married wife husband se: Tumne apne doston se yeh kyun kaha ki mujhe bahut accha khana banana aata hai.

Husband: Ab tumse shaadi karne ki koi wajah toh mujhe batani hi thi.

Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.

Boy: Its very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles.

Girl: Well that's because we aren't married yet.

A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard.

The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog.

Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall.

In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.

In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife.

He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened.

He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door.

As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls.

As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went.

He looked at her bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?"

She again smiled and answered, "You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world I do all day?"

"Yes," was his incredulous reply.

She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it."

A pharmacist tells a customer, 'In order to buy arsenic you need a legal prescription. A picture of your mother-in-law just isn't enough.'

Adam and Eve were the happiest, and the luckiest, couple in the world, because neither of them had a mother-in-law.

Fred and Rick were in a pub. Fred says to his mate, 'my mother-in-law is an angel.' Rick replies, 'you're lucky. Mine is still alive.'

Shohar: Main tang aa gaya hoon, tum hamaisha mera ghar.. meri car hi kehti rehti ho. Kabhi hamara bhi keh diya karo. Ab almari mein kya dhoond rahi ho?

Biwi: Hamara Dupatta.

A married couple are driving along a highway doing 60 mph, the wife behind the wheel. Her husband suddenly looks over at her and says, "Honey, I know we've been married for 20 years, but I want a divorce."

The wife says nothing but slowly increases speed to 70 mph.

He then says, "I don't want you to try to talk me out of it, because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and she's a better lover than you are."

Again the wife stays quiet but speeds up as her anger increases.

"I want the house," he insists, pressing his luck. Again the wife speeds up, to eighty mph.

He says, "I want the car, too," but she just drives faster and faster.

By now she's up to ninety mph. "All right," he says, "I want the bank accounts, and all the credit cards, too."

The wife slowly starts to veer toward a bridge.

This makes him a bit nervous, so he says, "Isn't there anything you want?"

The wife says, "No, I've got everything I need."

"Oh, really," he says, "so what have you got?"

Right before they slam into the wall at a 100 mph, the wife smiles and says, "The airbag."

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