Chutkule : Best Funny Girl Jokes in Hindi

Page-1

उज्जैन के एक लड़के ने अपनी गर्लफ्रेंड को फोन किया तो उसके पापा ने उठा लिया, लड़का मन मे बोला हे भगवान ये कहां से आ गया, पिता: हैलो, कौन बोल रहा है?

लड़का : मैं अमिताभ बच्चन बोल रहा हूं"

कौन बनेगा करोड़पति" से और आपकी बेटी की फ्रेंड हॉट सीट पर बैठी है और आपकी बेटी की मदद चाहती है, उसको फोन दीजिये Sir,

पिता: ओह, रोमांचित होकर बेटी को फोन दे दिया... 

लड़का : सवाल यह"आज शाम को तुम कहां मिलोगी"....

Option A-)इस्कान मन्दिर

Option B-)विक्रम वाटिका

Option C-)फ्री गंज चौपाटी

Option D-)घर के पीछे

लडकी:"Option A" 

लड़का : धन्यवाद, और अब आप का समय समाप्त होता है।

पिता अभी तक खुशी के मारे फूले नहीं समा रहे थे....​

एक लड़की गोलगप्पे खा रही थी, 15-20 खा चुकी थी,

फिर बॉयफ्रेंड से पूछा- डार्लिंग, 10 और खा लूँ,

लड़का गुस्से से- नागिन, खा ले,

लड़की ने जोरदार थप्पड़ मारा,,- “नागिन किसको बोला”??

.

.

लड़का- मार क्यूँ रही है?? मैने कहा- ना गिन, खा ले..

पत्नी: तुम मुझसे कितना प्यार करते हो?

पति: शाहजहां से भी ज्यादा.

पत्नी: मेरे मरने के बाद ताजमहल बनाओगे.

पति: मैं तो प्लॉट ले भी चुका हूं पगली देर तो तू ही कर रही है.

What is similarity between Sun  &  Wife???….. Aap in dono ko ghoor ke nahi dekh sakte…

Baniye ki biwi beemar thi:

Light na hone ki wajah se baniye ne candle jaladi aur bola

Doctor ko bulane ja raha hu,agar tumhein aisa lage ki tum nahin

bachogi to pleasw yeh candle bujha dena.

Pati:-aaj main sabha pati banunga. Patni:-khabardaar jo aap mere alawa kisi aur ke pati bane.

pati: Ghar ka saara keemti samaan kahin chhupa kar rakh do, padosi aa rahe hain.

patni: Kyonji ! kya Aapke dost chura lenge?

pati: are Nahin, who apna saaman pehchaan lenge.

patni: Aap bahut mote ho gaye ho.

pati: Tum bhi to kitni moti ho gayi ho.

patni: Main to maa banne wali hoon!

pati: Main bhi to baap banne wala hoon

Pati:-mere mrne ke baad tumhe mere jaisa doosra aadmi nahin milega.

Patni:- tumhe kisne keh diya, ki main doosra aadmi tumhare jaisa chahti hoon.

Patni:- main tumhare bina mar jaaungi.

Pati:-main bhi mar jaaunga. Itni khushi main bardasht nahin kar paaunga.

It is said that Husband is the head of D family,

But

Remember that wife is D Neck of D family.

& the Neck can turn the Head exactly D way she wants.

True bravery is 2 arrive home.....fully drunk......a latenight out.....& wife waiting with a jhadu and u ask: Hey abhitak safai kar rahi ho?

Wife: Our new neighbour always kisses his wife when he goesto work, why don't you do that? Husband: How can I? I don't even know her.

Wife 2 Husband: Did u Have any GF before marriage ?

Husband remains silent ?

Wife: what is D meaning of silence?

Husband: Wait.. let me count...

Possible Reasons When A Man Opens a car door for wife

1) The Car Is New.

2) The Wife Is New

3) (Most Imp) She Is Not His Wife

Three FASTEST means of Communication :

1. Tele-Phone

2. Tele-Vision

3. Tell to Woman

Need still FASTER - Tell her NOT to tell ANY ONE.

A man got 2 wishes from GOD. He asked for the Best wine and Best Woman.

Next moment, he had the Best Wine and Mother Teresa next to him.

Moral : BE SPECIFIC

bivi ko thappad marne k bad pati bola Admi use hi marta h jise vo pyar karta h.

bivi ne bhi 2khich k mari or boli-Ap kya samjte h mai apse pyar nahi karti.

Wife pati se boli-Dekho G Kaam karte Waqt mjhse dur hi raha karo.

Tabhi Kaamwali Boli-Maidam achi Tarah se Samjha do, Mai to bol-bol ke Thak Gayi.

At late night wife's smartphone beeps. Husband checks her mobile and gets angry.

He wakens his wife.

Husband (angrily): who is this person saying beautiful???

Surprised wife checks her mobile.

Wife (double angrily): heyyy... use your spectacles. It is not beautiful. It is battery full.

Wife: Dekhiye na wo aadmi mujhe ghur ghur ke dekh raha hai.

Husband: Arre wo to bhangar wala ( scrap dealer ) hai, Bekar MAAL par nazar rakhana uski aadat hai...........

Patni- Shadi K Pehle Aap Roz Gift Dete The, Par Ab Nai Dete, Kyu?

Pati- Tune Kabhi Kisi Machware

Ko Machli Pakdne K Baad Use Dana Dalte Dekha Hai

wife 2 husband-mujhe kahi mehngi jagah ghumane le chalo.

husband-chalo tayaar ho jao.

petrol pump chalte hain..

Husband:

Jab mai

tumhe chillata hu tab

tum apna gussa kispe

nikalti ho ??

.

Wife:

toilet saaf karke

.

Husband:

Hahahaha ,

bewkoof aurat vo kaise?

.

Wife:

Toilet aapke

toothbrush se saaf

karti hu.

Patni ka "I love you" bolne ke baad pati ka "I love you Tooooooooo" bolna utna he jaruri h

jinta "jor se bolo" ke baad "Jay maata di" bolna

Hubby - Mere Seene Mein Bahót Dard Hó Raha Hai,

Jaldi Se Ambulance Ke Liye Call Lagao......

Wife - Haan, Lagati Hu,

Apne Mobile/Smartphone Ka Password Bataó......

Husband - Rehne Do, Ab Thoda Theek Lag Raha Hai.

Bhákt: Guru ji, Aisi Patni ko kyá kahte hai jo..

Bahot Fair ho,

Height achhi ho,

Bahut cute ho

Nature sweet ho,

Brilliant ho,

Pati ko samjhe Aur

kabhi jhagda ná kare?

Guru ji: Mann ka Vahám kahte hain Beta, Mann ka Váham!!!

Kal teri wife bahut jor jor se chillai kyo thi ?

mere ghar tak aawaz aayi the

are kuch nahi yaar uska Photo facebook pe upload karne ke jagah OLX par upload ho gaya.....

Judge - tumne apni wife ko 10 saal dra ke dhamka ke apne baas me rakha

Mujrim - esa nahi hai......

Judge - Safai nahi tarike batoo.......tarika !!!

Husband ne Wife ko sms kiya:

"Dinner pe mere sath Rajiv, Sanjiv, Tanu aur Manu aa rahe hain... acha sa laziz khana bana dena dear"

Phir 10 mins ke baaf 2nd sms kia:

"Mera promotion ho gaya aur Meri salary badh gai hai, next month tumhe Diamond ki Ring la kar dunga.."

Wife ne reply kiya:

"Oh my God Really Darling" ?

Husband: "Nahi... Main Check kar raha tha mera pehla sms mila ya nhi... warna tu bolegi mujhe messages mila hi nahi.."

Wife 2 Husband - Sunte Ho ji..?

Mujhe Happiness ki spelling batao!!

.

.

.

Husband: Likhhh… U N M A R R I E D

Wife market se lauti

husband- mera andaaza hai is box me koi khane ki chiz hai

Wife- are wahh Pati Parmeshwar

aap ne sahi andaaza lagaya isme me

meri sandal hai.....

Husband:

Bhagwan ne tumhe 2 aakhen di hai

chawal se pathar nhi nikal sakti?

WIFE: Bhagwan ne tumhe 32 daat diye hai

2-4 pathar nhi chaba sakte?

Pehle woh meri girlfrnd thi,

Mai bolta tha wo sunti thi,

Phir woh meri mangetr bani,

Woh bolti thi mai sunta tha

Jb se woh meri BIWI bani,

Hm dono bolte hai

or

Mohalla sutna hai

Husband & wife are like liver and kidney.

Husband is liver & wife is kidney.

If liver fails, kidney fails.

If kidney fails, liver manages with other kidney.

Husband aur Wife Hotel

me gaye tabhi 1 Lady ne Hello kiya,

Wife ne pucha,Kaun Thi Wo?

Husband:-Tm dimagh kharab mat karo,

mai pehle hi pareshan hu k woh bhi Yehi puchegi.

patni: jab tum desi pite ho mujhe pari kehte ho.

beer pite ho to darling

par aj bhutni kyu?

pati:aj maine sprite piya hai,

'seedhi baat no bakhwash'

Wife: Mai tumhari yaad mai

15 din mai hi aadhi ho gayi hu,

mujhe lene kab aa rahe ho?

Husband: 15 din aur ruk jao

Wife:kal rat tum mujhe neend

mai galia kyu de rahe the?

Husband: tumhe ghalat fehmi hui hai..

Wife: kaisi ghalat fehmi?

Husband: yehi k mai neend mai tha

Wife:Suna he k jannat me husband

k sath Wife ko nahi rehne dete

HUSBAND! sahi suna he,

Wife: aisa kyu?

Husband: Are pagli isi liye to

use jannat kehte hai..

Husband aur wife me ladai ho gai

husband ghar se chala gaya.

raat ko ph kark pucha khane me kya h?

Wife:zehar

Husband: mei der se aaunga,tum kha kar so jaana..

patni- janu bag pack kr lo maine lotry mai 10 crore jita hai

pati -darling bag mai winter ka kapde dalu ya summer k?

patni- jo bhi dalna hai dalo,aur dafa ho jao yaha se

Poem of wife- husband hamara aisa ho,

Wallet me jiske bahut paisa ho,

Lambi jiski height ho,

Gusse ka wo lite ho,

jab sas se meri fight ho to

kahe janu tum hi right ho.....

patni-tmhe nhi lagta jara si samjhdari se talak k mamle roke ja sakte hai

pati- tmhe nhi lagta jara se samjhdari se shaddi bhi roki ja sakti hai.

ek ghar mai pati patni k hasne ki bahut jyada awaz aa rahi thi

sare padosi unki khushhali ka raj janne k liye unk ghar gye.

pati ne padosiyo ko btaya ki bahut assan hai...

hmare yaha meri bivi mujhe belan,chimta phek kr marti hai,

agar mujhe lag jata hai to woh hasti hai nhi to mai hasta hu..

pati-raja dashrath ki 3 patni thi..

patni-to?

pati-to mai abhi 2 shaddi aur k sakta hu..

patni-soch lo....!!!!draupati k 5 pati the....

pati-mai apni biwi ko B.A phir M.A phir Ph.d karwaunga...

usko ek achi si job dilwaunga..

frnd-phir koi acha sa ladka dhundh kr ushki shaadi bhi krwa dena..

pati prawachan sun k aya aur patni ko godd mai utha liya

patni-guruji ne kya rommance krne ko kaha hai kya?

pati-nhi pagli unhone kaha hai apka dukh khud uthana chahiye.

do mahila ki swarg mai mulakat hue..

1st-tmhari maut kaise hue?

2nd-jyada thand lagne k karan, aur tmhari?

1st-High BP k karan,mujhe pata chal ki mera pati kisi dusari aurat k sath hai..

mai gaye aur ushko sab jagah dunda pr woh nhi mili

2nd-agr freez mai dhunda hota to ,hm dono jinda hoti...

pati- maine aj ek sapna dekha?

patni-kya?

pati-ki tm kise se pyar kr rahi ho.

patni-kya tmne use pehchana?

pati-nhi pehchan paya,kyuki mai raat mai bina chasma k hi so gaya tha.

Home   1   2   3   4   5   6   Next