Once X asked Y, "What is the secret behind your happy married life?"
Y said, "You should share responsibilities with due love and respect to each other. Then absolutely there will be no problems."
X asked, "Can you explain?"
Y said, "In my house, I take decisions on bigger issues where as my wife decides on smaller issues. We do not interfere in each others decisions."
Still not convinced, X asked Y "Give me some examples"
Y said, "Smaller issues like which car we should buy, how much amount to save, when to visit home town, which Sofa, air conditioner, refrigerator to buy, monthly expenses, whether to keep a maid or not etc are decided by my wife. I just agree to it"
X asked, "Then what is your role?"
Y said, "My decisions are only for very big issues. Like whether America should attack Iraq, whether Britain should lift sanction over Zimbabwe, whether to widen African economy, whether Tendulkar should retire etc. Do you know one thing, my wife NEVER objects to any of these".
Wife standing in front of a mirror and telling to her husband, "I am fat, old, wrinkled and no longer pretty. Will you still give me a romantic compliment?"
Husband replied, "Your eyesight is still excellent."
Ek aadmi doosre aadmi se bola: "Bivi aur ghadi mein kya farq hai?"
Doosra Aadmi bola: "Ek bigadti hai to band ho jati hai......Doosari bigadti hai to "SHUROO" ho jati hai"
Husband: Tumse shaadi karke mujhe ek bahut bada faayda hua hai!
Wife: Woh kya?
Husband: Mujhe mere gunaaho ki saza jeete jee hi mil gayi!
"The thrill is gone from my marriage," Bill told his friend Doug. Doug suggests, "Why not add some intrigue to your life and have an affair?" "But what if my wife finds out?" asks Bill. "Heck, this is a new age we live in, Bill. Go ahead and tell her about it!" said Doug. So Bill went home and said, "Dear, I think an affair will bring us closer together." "Forget it," said his wife. "I've tried that? it didn't work."
A wife was having coffee with a girlfriend of hers when she confided to her, "Our marriage has never been that great, but this year has been the absolute worst between my husband and I.
Harry often yells at me, criticizes me, puts me down, plus he never helps out with anything around the house, and I keep getting the feeling that he's screwing his secretary. I can't eat, I can't sleep...in fact, I've already lost eight pounds this month alone!"
"Well, why don't you dump the bastard?!?" her friend said.
To which the wife replied, "Oh, I plan to do that, but first I want to get my weight down to 115 pounds."
A couple had been married for 25 years and was celebrating the husband's 60th birthday.
During the party, a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple all those years, she would give them one wish each.
The wife said, "We've been so poor all these years, and I've never gotten to see the world. I wish we could travel all over the world." The fairy waved her wand and POOF! She had the tickets in her hand.
Next, it was the husband's turn. He paused for a moment, and then said, "Well, I'd like to be married to a woman 30 years younger than me."
The fairy waved her wand and POOF! He was 90.
A few moments after the daughter announced her engagement, her Father asked, "Does this fellow have any money ?"
The daughter shook her head sadly. "Oh Daddy ! You men are all alike." sighing deeply, she replied, "That's exactly what he asked me about you."
A man bought a new Mercedes to celebrate his wife leaving him and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive.
As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him.
"There's no way they can catch a Mercedes," he thought to himself and opened up further.
The needle hit 90, 100.....Then the reality of the situation hit him.
"What am I doing?" he thought and pulled over.
The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car.
"It's been a long hard day, this is the end of my shift and it's Friday. I don't feel like more paperwork, I don't need the frustration or the overtime, so if you can give me a really good excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go."
The guy thinks about it for a second and says, "Last week my nagging wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back!"
"Have a nice weekend," said the officer.
Two men are talking. The first says, "I got married because I was tired of eating out, cleaning the house, doing the laundry and wearing shabby clothes."
"Amazing," said the second, "I just got divorced for the very same reasons."
The man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked, "You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"
"Why?"
"Because every time I talk to a a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere."
Wife: Yesterday I saw a very beautiful girl. Husband: Then what happened? Wife: I just kept on admiring her, on and on.. Husband (gets irritated): WHAT happened then? Wife smiled and said: I moved away from the mirror!
Pati - Tere Baap Ki Ungli Karne Ki Aadat Gayi Nahi ? Biwi – Kyu? Ab Kya Hua? Pati - Aaj Phir Se Pooch Rahe The... "Meri Beti Se Shaadi Karke Khush Ho Na"
Wife: Agar Me Kho Jau, To Tum Kya Karoge? Husband: Me Nirmal Baba Ke Paas Jaunga. Wife: Tum Baba Se Kya Kahoge? Husband: Baba Kirpa Aani Shuru Ho Gayi He.
Patni(Tare Dekhte Hue): Batao Wo Kon Si Chiz He Jo Tum Roz Dekh Sakte Ho Par Tod Nahi Sakte? Pati: Me Nahi Bataunga. Patni: Bolo Na Plz. Pati: Tera MUHH..
WIFE: Tum Ne Kabhi Socha Ki Agar Meri Shaadi Kisi Aur Se Ho Jaati To? HUSBAND: Nahi, Main Kabhi Kisi Ka Bura Nahi Sochta..!
Husband: Kya Tum Mere Jivan Ka Chand Banogi? Wife: Aww Haa.. Jaanu..! . . . . . Husband: Bahut Khub! To.. Mujhse 9,955,887.6 Kms Door Raho..!!
Patni Ko Begum Kyu Kehte Hai? Jawab: Kyonki Shaadi Karne Ke Baad Sare Gum To Pati Ke Hisse Mein Aa Jate Hai, Isliye Patni Be-Gum Ho Jati Hai!!
Pati Apni Patni Se: Na Kajre Ki Dhar, Na Motiyo Ki Haar, Na Koi Kiya Singar, Fir Bi Kitni Sundar Ho.. Patni Boli: Sidhe Se Bol Dona Ki Make Up Ke Liye Rupaye Nahi Milege.
Begum: Kuch Aisa Kaho Na Jisse Mein Khush Bhi Ho Jau Aur Khafaa Bhi Ho Jau. . Shohar: Tum Meri Zindagi Ho, Aur Lanat Hai Aisi Zindagi Par...
Husband: Har Vivahit Insaan Sundar Ladki Ko Dekh Ke Ye Bhool Jata He Ki Wo Vivahit Hai. Wife: Nahi, Balki Insaan Ko Tabhi Yaad Aata Hai Ki Wo Bechara Vivahit Hai.
Patni: (Car Ki Ummid Me) Mujhe Esi Gift Do Ki Mein Jab Us Par Hu Wo 5 Second Mein 0 Se 100 Par Pachoch Jaye. Pati Ne: Weighing Machine Gift Kar Diya..!
Biwi: Kal Jo Bhikhari Aaya Tha Wo Bahot Kharab Tha. Pati: Wo Kyu? Biwi: Mene Kal Use Khana Diya Or Aaj Usne Mujhe Ek Book Gift Ki ‘Khana Kaise Banate He.’
Jab Apki Patni Apse Kahe Ki, ‘Mujhe Tumse Jaruri Baat Karni Hai..’ Wo Ek Line Me Itna Power He Ki Wo Apko ‘Apni Life Me Kiye Hue Sabhi Galat Kam Ko Yaad Karva Deta He..’
Husband: Agar Operation Ke Dauran Me Marr Jau To Tum Isi Doctor Se Shadi Kar Lena. Biwi: Aisa Kyun Bol Rahe Ho? Husband: To Tum Kya Chahti Ho Me Us Doctor Ko Maaf Kar Du?
Patni: Ye Kya Hai Ji, Aap Roz Subah Mere Muhh Pe Pani Kyu Dalte Ho? Pati: Kyon Ki, Mujhe Tere Baap Ne Kaha Tha.. Ki Meri Beti Phul Si Najuk Hai, Ise Kabhi Murjhane Mat Dena..!
Har Kamyab Insaan Ke Piche 1 Aurat Hoti Hai, Jo Use Itna Pareshan Karti Hai Ki.. Wo Insaan Harr Ke Dukhi Hokar, Apne Kam Me Itna Ulajha Rehta Hai Ki.. Kamyabi Khud Uske Pas Aake Uske Kadam Chumti Hai.
Begum: Aap Ki 3 Begum or Bhi Hai? Ye Tumne Nikah Se Pehle Q Nahi Bataya. Shohar: Maine Bataya To Tha Ki Mein Tumhe Mallika, Rani Or Shehzadi Ki Tarah Rakhuga..
Ek Nayi Book Ki Lakhon Copies 2 Din Me Hi Bik Gayi, Kyunki Title Ke Typing me Thodi Galati Ho Gai Thi. Book Ka Name Tha.. . . . . . . . “AN IDEA CAN CHANGE YOUR WIFE (LIFE)”
Wife: Me Agar Mount Everest Chadh Gai To Tum Mujhe Kya Gift Doge?? Husband: Kya Tum Bhi, Ye Bhi Koi Puchne Wali Baat He..! DHAKKAA…!
Ek Hara Hua Business Man Apni Moti Wife Se: . . . . . . Tum Meri Life Ka Ek Lota Investment Ho Jo DOUBLE Hua Hai.
Wife: Aaj Kyu Jaldi Office Se Aa Gaye?? Husband: Mere Boss Ne Mujhse Kaha ‘Go To Hell’ Isliye..!!
Miyaa-Biwi Me Jagda Hua. Dusre Din Subah Husband Ne Apni Biwi Ko Dudh Ka Glass Diya. Biwi: Apni Galti Ka Ehsaas Ho Gaya..! Husband: Nahi, Aaj Nagpanchami He. To Ye Le NAGIN Dudh Pi Le..
Admi: Mere Bal Ekdum Chhote Kat De.. BARBER: Kitne Chhote Katu..? . . . . . . Admi: Itne Chote Ki Meri Biwi Inhe Khinch Na Paye..
Why do couples hold hands during their wedding day?.?.?.? It is just a formality, like two boxers shaking hands b4 the fight begins…
Husband ne paan kharid kr wife ko khane k lye dia
Wife: Aap ne apne lye Q nhi lia?
Husband:
mein to wese hi khamosh reh sakta hon
Wife to drunk husband: From now on,
if ur lips touch liquor
u will never touch my lips
Husband: awwww??
Wife: Now What r u thinking??
Husband: deciding,
18yr old Scotch
or
42yr old lips?
Man outside phone booth :
Excuse me !!
You are holding the phone since 20 mins.
&
haven't spoken a word..
Man inside - Sir
.
.
.
.
.
.
I'm talking to my wife...
HUS: kal raat mene sapna dekha WIFE: kya? HUS: Tumhe koi utha le jaraha he WIFE: fir aapne kya kiya? HUS: uski madat ki, tumhe uthane me....
A husbands version:
My wife is like "Terms & conditions" of a Website !
I never understand what she says
but
I always accept !!
Santa: Jab Shadiyan Swarg Me Tay Hoti Hain To Nark Me Kya Tay Hota Hai?
Banta: Nark Me Shadi Ke Baad Ke Din Tay Hote Hain.
MOM to CHILDREN: Jo Meri Baat Manega aur mere Aage kuch Nahi Bolega, Main Use Gifts dungi.. . . . . . . Children: Lo ji, Is Tarah to saare gifts Papa hi Le jayenge!!
How to Make a Wife Happy?? . It's not at all difficult. Tips- Be a 1.friend 2.companion 3.lover 4.chef 5.electrician 6.carpenter 7.plumber 8.mechanic 9.decorator 10.stylist . . . 51.driver 52.psychologist 53.pest exterminator 54.psychiatrist 55.healer . . . 102.good listener 103.organizer 104.good father
Santa: What do you want to become in your next life?
Banta: A cockroach.
Santa: Why?
Banta: Kyun ki meri biwi sirf cockroach se hi darti hai.
A man said his credit card was stolen, but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.
Ad seen in paper:
FOR SALE BY OWNER Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last weekend. Wife knows everything.
Wife: "Why can't my mother move in with us?" Husband: "Because the Bible says I can't!" Wife: "Show me where it says that!" Husband: "Right here, see. No man can serve two masters!"
I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"
She said, "Somewhere I have never been!"
I told her, "How about the kitchen?"
A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.
"You'll get your chance in court," said the Desk Sergeant.
"No, no no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying for years."
No comments:
Post a Comment
thanks for your comment.